Memo from The Boss

[phugly]

Memorandum
TO: All employees
FROM: The boss
DATE: March 14, 2005

It has been brought to management's attention that
some individuals throughout the company have been
using foul language during the course of normal
conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints
received from some employees who are easily offended,
this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We
do, however, realize the critical importance of being
able to accurately express your feelings when
communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of new
phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of
ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner without risk of offending our more sensitive
employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the f*ck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking way!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh!tting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with . . .
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a nuts.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a nuts.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f*cking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: f*ck it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f*ck cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his behind.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: I strongly disagree.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: f*ck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your behind.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another f*cking meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a nuts.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a f*cking thingy.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting pregnant dog.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck are you doing?

Sincerely,
The Boss

[Augustus]

nice !!!

Also showed me which names I'd missed off the censored list Lol !


P.